Mary Poppins (ouida_von_leron) wrote in southernbitch,
Mary Poppins
ouida_von_leron
southernbitch

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X-posted

I have the strangest feeling of seperatedness from my life right now.

I have tons of school stuff coming up, and social stuff too, I'm just not as fired up about it as I usually am.

It's almost like I'm living someone else's life until they come back.

It's not a very nice feeling.

Blech.

I'm not excited about anything.

~~~

I've finally found something to fix about myself. Actaully my mom did.

I don't work as a teamember. I'm much more of a lone wolf type.

It's really excellent because I've been praying for something like this to come up for me to improve myself.

The bad thing is. I don't want to. I mean. I do. Just. ARGH. My mom pointed it out by saying I have a closed mind.

Yeah, right mom. *I* have a closed mind?

That's rich coming from you.

Just last night you were complaining about "my" music being too headbanger. It was Matchbox 20. MATCHBOX 20! Good God mom. Grow up.

Just because the first song on the album has guitar and bass tracks in it, does not in any way make it "headbanger". GOD!

I am NOT closed minded.

I DO have problems working as a team.

But I AM NOT CLOSE MINDED! I am NOT I am NOT I AM NOT!!!

How DARE you say that!

I dare you look at Dad with a little smile hwhen I say that YOU"RE closed minded!

You think I'm some stupid teenage rebelious stereotype, because if I was, then you'd automatically be right, right? I would just be being argumentative, so why should I be right? You wouldn't even have to think about it would you?

~~~

I think the reason I am troubled so much by this, is maybe because it is true. A little bit.

God, I hate it when I do that. Figure out my mother is right. SMACK dab in the middle of when I'm angry with her! I don't get to fully sit out my anger. It gets chopped off before it's been exhausted. Shit. *rubs temples* I hate it when she's right and I'm wrong. It makes me feel so insuperior. Even though I'm not. I know I'm not. I know almost as much about growing up and being mature as she does. Sometimes I think I'm more mature then she is. She's come a long way from where she was. When she was little. God, I would HATE to have gorwn through what she has. It must have been hell. I thank God for my family. But she still goes back to self destructive or obsessive complusive behaviors occaisionally. It drives me freakin NUTS! I cannot stand it when your parents are wrong but you can't SAY anything about it, because they'll punish you within an inch of your life! How will THEY grow up if they don't fix their problems? Out of the mouths of babes, they say. Like it' so amazing. Babies and children are much more mature then people think. They're just different. Onto themselves they may not be as mature as adults, but as far as observers go, children seem to be far better then adults.
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